It’s been awhile
I haven’t written in a while. It’s funny I thing it’s been at least a year if not two and nothings changed. I’m dealing with cancer again. I can’t have a mastectomy because of the damage from the experimental treatment and the damage done to my lungs. I’ve never had lung cancer but I’ve got the lungs of a four pack a day smoker and I don’t smoke.
I’m still worried about losing the house because of money back taxes and things like that. I’m really worried about how all of this is impacting or is going to impact my children. Here’s something new. Now I’m diabetic. i’m having a hard time with changing my habits. The biggest problem…..I’m a cokeaholic. I have three or four a day. I’m not sure if it’s the sugar or the caffeine I do love my caffeine. If I could get that monkey off my back I’d do ok with the rest.
The real reason I picked this up again today…..I need to vent. My best friend (who admittedly has been distant for about a year and a half) is moving back to Virginia. I love her like a sister. I’ve shared things with her I’ve never shared with anyone else. And now, she’s leaving. Even though she hasn’t really been talking to me (I’m not sure why she hasn’t said and I’ve asked several times) this hurts like hell! I want to be happy for her. I am happy for her but my heart is breaking!!
Everyone always says “we’ll stay in touch” but it just doesn’t happen. I’m grieving! It’s funny, I always took comfort in the fact that when I died (which should be soon) Suzy would be here for my boys. I felt in my heart of hearts she would be here to help Scott and look out for the boys, make sure they didn’t forget me. That thought was always a great source of peace and comfort for me now……it’s gone. My heart is so heavy and I can’t even tell her this because I don’t want to add to her stress. That really wouldn’t be fair to her. AARRRRRGGGGGGGH!
